Miscarried
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: Grissom comes back from his sabbatical. Sara tells him she had a miscarriage while he was gone. Now with a dark cloud hovering over there happy home it seems that they need each other more than ever to survive.


Grissom came back from his sabbatical happy to be back. He was greeted people as he went to his office. He knew he would find me knowing I was working somewhere in the building. Catherine came in knocking seeing him.

"Your back!" She said, walking in.

"I got back a few hours ago." He said, sitting on his desk looking at her. "How are things around here?"

"There have been little problems here and there, but basically it was good."

He nodded looking out into the hallway at people walking past.

"How is Sara?"

"I think fine. She's been working hard and I hardly see her."

"I'll look her up."

"Good." She said

He watched her leave then he sighed looking around his office. I walked into the building feeling my bandaged hand throbbing as I made my way into the hallway with Greg.

"Does your hand hurt?" He asked

"Yeah." I said, looking at it.

"It will." Greg said, stopping as he looked behind me. "Grissom!"

I quickly took a breath hiding my hand as I turned looking at him.

"Hey." Grissom said, shaking Greg's hand then he looked at me. "Hi Sara."

"Hey."

"So your back?" Greg asked

"Yes, my lectures are over."

"That's great." Greg said

Grissom nodded looking over at me.

"Well I have to get to work. Sara, I'll meet you in the lab."

"Okay."

He walked away leaving us behind. I watched him walk over and stop.

"How have you been?" He asked

"Fine….good."

He nodded watching me.

"I…really have to go."

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

He walked over watching me back away.

"I….missed you."

"Me to." I said, backing up.

He nodded watching me run off.

Grissom came out of his office when shift was over. He looked over seeing me talking to Warrick. He noticed a white bandage around my hand. Warrick waved at him as he walked over. I turned hiding my hand again. Grissom looked at me.

"Ready to go home?" He asked

"Sure." I said

He took my arm leading me out. We drove home parking outside of the house. Grissom met me on the side walk. He took my arm again leading me to the front door unlocking it.

"Anything exciting happen today?" He asked, as he opened the door letting me in.

"No."

He shut the door turning on the light. I faced him as he walked over kissing me. I missed his lips against mine. Taking his time he savored the feel of our lips together. He moved back looking at me.

"I thought about kissing you for three weeks." He said

I smiled faintly looking down.

"I thought about it since you left."

He looked down touching my arm pulling it up seeing the bandage on my hand.

"What is this?" He asked

I looked at it then at him.

"It was just an accident. I had it checked out and they said I will be fine."

He eyed it then he let me go. I moved over kissing him again. He forgot about my hand kissing me back. He woke in bed looking over at me sleeping on my stomach with hair over my face. He reached over touching my hand on the mattress. I moved to my side snoring gently. He smiled then he looked at my bandaged arm lying over my stomach. I moved to my back snoring again. Grissom lifted his head against his hand. He used his finger to slowly lower the blanket covering my grey tee shirted body. He looked over at me before lowering the blanket more till he saw my pajama shirt had ridden up my stomach. His finger glided over my smooth skin. I moved my hand to stop the tickle. He did it again smiling as I squirmed.

"Stop!" I shouted

"If I don't?" He asked

I moved hitting him on the arm.

"Owe!" He said

I sighed lying still. I moved to my side looking over at him.

"I have to tell you something." I said

"What?"

I sat up looking down at him as he laid on his back looking up at me.

"While you were gone….I suffered a miscarriage."

He sat up looking at me.

"You were pregnant?"

"I didn't know it at the time. The doctor's said it was at the very beginning. I did not feel well and Catherine made me go to the hospital."

He reached over touching my cheek.

"I am so sorry." He said

"I'm fine."

"Honey, why didn't you call me?"

"I just….felt bad and I didn't want to worry you."

He sighed as I looked down.

"I should have been here."

I moved closer hugging him. He pulled me closer kissing my neck. I closed my eyes letting him hold me.

Grissom sat at his desk in his office a five weeks later listening to classical music doing paperwork. He saw Nick and Greg come in looking unhappy.

"Gris man, you have got to do something about Sara." Nick said

Grissom looked at them with curiosity.

"What do you mean?"

"I was just coming into the break room for my sandwich and she bit my head off." Nick said

"She yelled at me in Trace." Greg said

"What did you two do to her?"

"We didn't _do_ anything to her!" Greg said

Grissom sat back in his chair looking at them.

"I will talk to her."

"When?" Greg said

"Where is she now?"

"Ah….the lab I think." Nick said

"Get her to come in here now." He said

"Okay."

They both went out leaving him to get back to work. Greg walked in five minutes later.

"She said, if you want to see her you have to come to her."

Grissom sighed putting his pen down getting up. He walked out with Greg closing his door following him to the garage I was in. I looked over at him as I worked on some parts of a car on a table. Greg walked out quickly as Grissom walked over looking at the car then at me.

"What's going on?" He asked

"Nothing." I said, looking back at him.

"Then why am I hearing that you are being mean to people?"

I sighed turning to look at him.

"I was not being mean. I merely suggested to them both that I did not want to talk to them."

"Sara, I have to get a lot of paperwork done before I can go home. I want you to stop upsetting people and behave."

"Yes dad." I said, turning around to work.

"I am not kidding. If I hear one more complaint we are going to have words."

I stuck my tongue at him as I turned seeing he caught it.

"Sara, I am not in the mood for this."

"Okay." I said

He nodded leaving. I watched him leave then I went back to work shaking my head. I came to his office after shift seeing him on his couch rubbing his head.

"Hey." I said, gently knowing he was in pain. He groaned in response. I sat down on the couch leaning over kissing him. He moved his arm looking at me in the dim light.

"I am sorry about earlier." I said

"I know."

"If I told you the real reason I am being like this you would understand." I said, smiling.

He touched my arm.

"What is that reason?"

"You're going to be a dad." I said

He shot up grabbing my arms looking at me with wide eyes.

"What?"

I leaned over kissing him again then I moved back smiling.

"I am pregnant."

"Pregnant?" He asked

I nodded watching him move his eyes down to my stomach.

"Are you happy?" I asked

He nodded speechless.

When he got back his voice he said he was very happy. My morning sickness hit affecting me hard. I ate a lot of crackers and toast. Grissom begged me to stay home on the days I was not good, but I chose to work.

I walked to trace holding a paper in one hand and touching my small baby bump with the other. Hodges saw me in the hallway and ran over.

"Wow you look…..huge!"

"Thanks." I said, sarcastically.

"Does this mean that Grissom is going to retire?"

"What, no!"

"Well there's talk about him leaving and I really don't want him to, because you know he and I are so close."

"I would know if he were, and he's not." I said

"Great." He said, watching me walk into the room.

Grissom waited for me after shift by the front desk. I walked over with a sour look on my face.

"What's wrong?" He asked

"Could you tell Hodges to leave me alone?" He asked

"What is he doing?"

He walked me out.

"He is being really annoying."

"I'll talk to him."

I sighed rubbing my head as we walked out.

"You okay?" He asked, watching me.

"Yeah, I feel kind of off." I said

He stopped us touching my head.

"You don't have a fever."

"I'm just upset. I want to go to bed."

He nodded.

We came home and I changed laying on the couch with a blanket over me. Grissom ordered take out looking over the mail then he came and sat down at my feet looking at a letter. I sat up moving off the couch.

"I feel really sick." I said, walking to the bedroom. Grissom stood leaving the letter behind as he made his way to the bathroom seeing me hunched over the toilet throwing up.

"I think we should call your doctor." He said

I flushed the toilet standing feeling dizzy. He had walked out dialing my doctor's number. I held onto the doorway seeing everything swirling around. Grissom turned seeing me fall to the floor with a thud.

"Sara!" He yelled, running over.

I opened my eyes seeing lights with men talking all around me. One was calling my name while the other was talking to someone I could not see.

"Sara, can you hear me?!" The one man called

"Her vitals are stable." The other man said

I was lifted onto something then I was moving. I looked over seeing Grissom holding my hand walking along side looking scared and worried. They loaded me up in the ambulance. I was given oxygen. Grissom kept his eyes on me at all times as the paramedic worked. I looked at him lifting my hand motioning him closer. He moved over leaning down looking at me.

I lifted the mask off my face saying something he could not hear. He leaned in closer.

"If…I die...I love you." I said, weakly.

He sat back clutching my hand with both his shaking his head.

"You're not going to die."

I felt the mask put back on my face as I closed my eyes. Grissom stood out in the hallway looking ahead as Catherine ran over looking scared.

"Gil, is she all right?"

He shook his head in silence. She put her hand on his arm.

"She lost the baby." He said

"I am so sorry." She said

"I should have made her stay home and rest."

"You could not foresee that this would happen."

He closed his eyes putting his head back.

"All we can do now is help her."

He nodded slowly looking over at her.

Grissom brought soup over to the couch for me to eat. He sat down setting the bowl on the coffee table with a spoon then he looked at me. I looked at the bowl then at him.

"Tomato soup as requested." He said

I looked at it again feeling his eyes on me. He took my hand in my lap rubbing my cool fingers. The doorbell rang as he stood walking over to answer the door. I looked over as he closed the door walking over with a large gift basket. He set it down on the table getting the card.

"It's from the lab." He said, sitting down looking at everything in it. "That was nice of them."

I looked at it then the bowl of soup. Grissom lifted the bowl and the spoon holding it out to me. I looked at it not moving. He put the spoon in the soup lifting it to my mouth. I swallowed the hot liquid. He fed me in silence. When that was over and he cleaned up I pulled him to lay down beside me. He put his arms around me as I burrowed into his chest. I sniffed into his shirt. He felt my body shaking closing his eyes allowing me to cry.

I came to work against the advice of my doctor and Grissom a week later. Everyone kept telling me they are sorry and it started to get on my nerves. Hodges came over to me in the break room as I sat on the couch holding my head up with my hand as I held a cup of coffee. Grissom came in unseen by me to fill his cup up.

"Sara, I just wanted to say…"

"Stop!" I said

"What?" He said

I stood throwing my coffee at the glass wall facing him.

"Sara!" Grissom said

I jumped seeing him behind Hodges.

"Clean that up and come to my office. Hodges thank you." He said, leaving.

Hodges walked to the door looking at me before running out. I sat down on the couch again holding my head in my hands. Grissom watched me come in his office closing the door. I sat down looking at him.

"What was that about?" He asked

"I just lost it."

"I could see that."

I looked down.

"Sara, this should prove to you that you are not ready to come back."

"I want to work."

"No, you need a chance for rest."

I looked at him standing.

"Please let me work. I won't do anything else!"

He stood walking over to me taking my arm leading me to the door.

"Go home."

"No, I can do this!"

"Sara, go home." He said

I made him let me go glaring at him.

"I am working."

"I can have you removed from the building."

I ran out crying once I got out into the hallway. Sitting in the shower stall in the locker room I cried. Grissom walked down the shower stalls till he got to the last one hearing me crying. He opened the curtain looking down at me. He sighed sitting on the bench just outside the stall rubbing his hands together looking at me. I wiped my red eyes looking down.

"What am I going to do with you?" He asked

I shook my head.

"Sara, what do you want me to do?"

I looked at him.

"Tell me what to do?"

"Divorce me?" I said

"That's not an option." He said

"Fire me?"

"I could, but I would be losing a great CSI."

"Suspend me?"

He looked down nodding. I wiped my eyes again.

"Sara, I love you and nothing will ever change that. When we lost the baby, I know how much you were hurting and I tried to help you. Now you are turning that sadness into rage and that is never a good path to take."

I stood slowly looking over at him.

"I don't care if you want to take it out on me, but don't take it out on caring, concerned people."

"I'm sorry you have to put up with me." I said

He walked over touching my hair.

"I signed up for it and I am not giving up on you."

He hugged me to him. I looked at the wall feeling a tear run down my cheek. Grissom got up the next day feeling rested and ready to work. He looked around for me not seeing me anywhere. Getting out of his car at work he dialed my number.

"Sidle." I said

"Where are you?" Grissom asked, as he walked into the building.

I didn't answer as Brass looked at me at the scene.

"Sara, where are you?" He asked, already knowing what I was going to say.

"I….ah running." I said

Brass shook his head walking by me.

"Running." Grissom said, stopping at the front desk.

"Yes."

"You're lying." He said "If you don't tell me the truth I will be very angry."

"I am at a scene with Brass." I said, sighing.

"I told you to take some time off."

"He called me in."

"Let me talk to him." Grissom said, opening his office door.

"He's not here." I said

"Sara!" He said

Brass walked over looking at me.

"I have to go." I said, quickly hanging up.

"Was that Gil?" He asked

"Yes, and I suspect you are about to be called." I said

He looked down at this phone going off. Answering it he looked at me.

"Hey, Gil."

I shook my head watching him walk around.

"I understand that, but we needed someone and Catherine said there was no one to help."

He hung up walking over to me.

"He is coming."

"Great." I said, getting back to work.

Half an hour later Grissom appeared with Greg. He left Greg to come over to where I was in a parking lot looking around for evidence.

"Sara, go home." He said

"I am working." I said

He pulled me to a quiet place.

"You are on suspension."

"Grissom, I was called to do a job."

"I said go home now!" He yelled

Greg and Brass looked over hearing him yell. I looked at Grissom then I walked away. He sighed rubbing his head looking back at Greg and Brass. I got into the Tahoe mad. Grissom talked to Greg as I walked back over to him.

"How dare you yell at me!" I yelled

Grissom and Greg looked at me in surprise as I yelled.

"Greg, would you take over while I talk to Miss. Sidle?"

"Sure." Greg said, looking uneasy at us.

Grissom walked over yanking me to my car.

"If you keep this up I will suspend you another week!"

"I don't care. I came here to work and you yell at me like I was a child!"

"Sara, if you want to talk about this then we can do it at home or my office."

"No, let's have it out now!" I said

He sighed pulling me quickly between the cars where it was private.

"I have had enough of this. I want you to go home and then when I come home we were discuss this further."

He started to leave as I watched him go.

"I won't be there!"

He stopped turning looking back at me.

"What do you mean by that?"

When I didn't answer he walked back touching my arms.

"What do you mean by that?!"

"I….I will leave." I said

He looked at me silently seeing a tear slip down my cheek. He let me go clearing his throat.

"Sara, I can tell you I love you over and over again, but if you want to leave then you should. I won't keep you anywhere against your will." He said, before leaving. I watched him go then I looked out the other side slowly walking away.

Grissom came home turning on the light walking through the house. He entered the bedroom seeing the bed was empty. The door to the bathroom was shut so he walked over knocking gently.

"Sara?"

I slowly opened the door looking at him with red puffy eyes. He watched me come to him in my pajamas. He put his arms around me as I cried against his neck.

He pulled me to the bed lying down holding me tightly against him.

"I….feel…so….empty!" I said

"I know, honey." He said

I sobbed harder as he kissed my head smoothing my hair back. After a few minutes I started to calm down laying my head on his chest as I played with his sleeve.

"I'm sorry." I said

"I know you are, and I am sorry to."

"What do we do now?"

"I am going to make us something to eat and we are going to go to bed."

"I am hungry." I said

"Good."

He started to get up, but I pulled at his arm.

"Gris, I need to feel you tonight."

He sat down again looking at me as he touched my cheek.

"Sara, I don't think that would be wise."

"Please, I want you to." I said, pleading.

He sighed slowly nodding.

"Let's eat first." He said

"Okay."

I let him go as I laid back in the bed looking at the wall. Grissom stood at the counter looking down then he went to the fridge slowly taking out something's. He came back in with two plates and we ate. I looked at him as I chewed then I ate some more in silence. We finished and he disappeared to put the plates in the dishwasher. I laid back waiting for him to come in. He walked back in turning the lights off then he changed coming into bed. I moved over to him as he pulled me against him kissing my neck and lips. It was comforting and familiar and just what I wanted.

I woke up seeing his side was empty. Wrapping the sheet around my body I walked out seeing him on the phone by one of the living room chairs dressed for work. He gave me a little smile putting his hand on my back. I kissed him hearing a person talking on the other end of the phone. He moved back talking to the person. He looked at me as he hung up kissing me again. He pulled me closer only to move back a minute later. I watched his eyes go down to the sheet I was trying to hold up.

"How are you today?" He asked

"I feel good." I said

"You have some color back." He said

"Are you working?" I said

"Yes, what are you going to do?"

"Sleep."

"I would get up once in a while and eat."

"I will do that to." I said

He kissed my head gently. I walked back to the bedroom door feeling my sheet caught on something. I tugged at it seeing that Grissom had it in his hand.

"Grissom!" I said, chuckling as I yanked it out of his grip. He chuckled watching me go.

He came into say goodbye, but I was already sleeping. When he came home I was watching TV in the living room. He walked over smiling at me as I stood letting him kiss me.

"Hello dear." He said

"Hello." I said "How was shift?"

"Lonely." He said, looking at the TV.

"Does that mean that you want me to come back?"

"I always want you to there, but I think you should have at least a few more days of rest."

I sat down pulling him to sit.

"I ordered take out." I said

"Good, I am famished." He said, looking at me. "You seem better."

"Thanks to you." I said, sitting over his legs. "That was just what I needed."

He nodded moving his head to look at the TV. I made him look at me as I leaned down kissing him. He put his arms around my back. I moved back as he looked up at me.

"So what is it you want from me?" He asked

"Well now that you asked….I want a baby."

"Sara, I think we should hold off on that for a while."

"I know you think it's to soon, but I really want this." I said, playing with his shirt collar.

"I know you do, and so do I."

"I promise I will be good." I said

"You know I love you."

"I know and I love you to."

He looked into my eyes then he sighed slowly nodding.

"All right, but if you feel weird I want to know."

"I will tell you." I said

He kissed me then he watched me get up happy going to the kitchen.

Grissom saw a good change in me and decided to let me come to work. A few weeks in I did feel off. Grissom had me go to the doctors and it was confirmed I was expecting. He made sure I ate well and went to bed on time.

One day I woke to go to work feeling dizzy. As I stood at the bathroom sink it went away. I went to work walking behind Grissom and Warrick. They talked then Grissom turned to me talking. I nodded even though I was not paying attention. They were oblivious to the fact I was about to collapse.

"Grissom!" Brass called, walking our way with a paper in his hand. Midway there I fell on my back on the floor.

"Sara?" Grissom called, giving his papers to Warrick kneeling down to me. Brass ran over kneeling down as well.

"Is she okay?" He asked, worried.

I slowly moved my head feeling someone touching my neck.

"Do we need an ambulance?" Warrick called

"Sara?" Grissom said

I opened my eyes seeing eyes looking down at me.

"What…..happened?" I asked

"You fainted." Brass said

I sat up with their help holding my head. Grissom rubbed my back looking at me concerned.

"Let's get you to my office."

I nodded allowing them to help me stand leading me to Grissom's office. I was laid out on his couch then he went out to talk to Brass and Warrick. I closed my eyes rubbing my stomach hearing the door close I looked over seeing him come over with a can of ginger ale and a plastic cup. He poured it into the cup then sat down handing me the cup. I drank handing it back to him. He set it on his desk then he sat back down looking at me. I rubbed my face then I looked at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"I think so. That was so embarrassing."

"We all do it once in a while."

"In front of everyone."

"You can't help it when the body does that, honey."

I nodded sighing. He reached over touching my hand laying over my stomach.

"Do I have that glow?" I asked

"What glow?"

"I have heard that pregnant women always have a glow."

He looked at me thinking then he leaned down kissing me. I smiled when he moved back.

"I think you have a slight glow. You're beautiful to me."

"How do you do that?" I asked, smiling.

"What?"

"When you say that stuff it always makes my heart flutter."

"I guess I was born with it."

He smiled searching my eyes.

I closed my eyes sighing again as he watched me. I felt his hand touch my head gently smoothing my skin. He looked at me concerned as I rested.

Grissom brought me home putting his arm around my middle as we walked to the house. He kissed my head before unlocking the door allowing me inside. I walked to the bedroom as he looked at the mail then he walked into the bedroom hearing me throwing up. He put the mail on the bed walking over to the bathroom door. I came out looking pale and sweaty. He reached out to touch me, but I raised my hand shaking my head.

I walked past him going out to the living room. He came out seeing me lying in a ball on the couch.

"Sara, I think you should take some time off and rest."

"I'm okay." I said, trying not to think about being sick.

"Please rest." He said

I looked at him then I slowly nodded closing my eyes.

"I can make you some soup."

"No, not right now." I said

He sighed touching my cheek. The next day I was up walking around the house as he got up for work. He saw me carrying a load of clothes in a basket.

"Sara!" He said, walking over.

"What?" I asked, watching as he took the basket away from me.

"I don't want you to lift heavy things in your condition!"

"Someone has to do laundry."

"I will, just go sit on the couch and relax."

I watched him go past me to the laundry room then I sat on the couch. He came back out looking at me.

"This is going to be a fun time for me with you doing everything."

"I just don't want you to lift heavy things." He said

I sighed falling sideways on the couch bored. Grissom went to the kitchen coming out looking at me lying still.

"Sara, you don't have to be bored. There are a lot of things you could do."

"Grissom, please let me work." I begged

"You know I can't."

"I will sit with you and do paperwork." I said, sitting up.

He gave me a stern look sighing. I gave up lying against the couch again.

"I have to go." He said

"Bye." I said

He shook his head leaving. I laid still looking at the ceiling. When he came home I was sitting on the couch rubbing my stomach as I watched a movie.

"Hey." He said

I looked at him as he walked over sitting on the coffee table in front of me.

"So how was your day?" He asked

"Boring." I said

"Are you okay?" He asked

I nodded moving to see the TV. He moved sitting next to me leaning over touching my stomach. I looked at him seeing he had his concerned face on. He sat up as I moved over his lap putting him arms around his neck.

"What is with the face?" I asked

"I am worried about you."

"No, that is your concerned face." I said

"Shouldn't I be?" He asked

"No."

"I feel like you are keeping things from me."

I looked at his shirt.

"Sara, don't you think as your husband I should know what is bothering you?"

"I don't want to worry you more."

"We are a team and as such I want to know everything."

I looked at him seeing that look again.

"We never really talked about this, but I have been thinking what if I lose this baby?"

"Honey, we are taking precautions this time." He said, touching my cheek.

"I'm just really scared."

He pulled me against him.

"I don't want you to be scared anymore, because nothing is ever going to happen."

I tried to be comforted by his words, but deep down I worried. I was allowed back to work after another day. Grissom put me on light duty which meant I was lab work only. Catherine came in seeing me sitting at the table in one of the rooms writing something down on a piece of paper. She put a bag on the table smiling at me.

"How's it going?" She asked

"Fine." I said

"I brought you a gift. It is a screw driver which might have prints on it and a blanket."

I stood taking the items out of the bag looking at them. Catherine watched me spread the blanket out on the table.

"So how are you holding up?"

"Okay, Grissom has become over protective. He won't let me do laundry or cook."

"Sounds like the perfect husband."

"I never thought that would annoy me, but it is."

"Did you tell him?"

"Yes, and he still does it." I said, sighing.

"Well don't worry. You only have eight more months to go." She said, laughing as she walked out.

"Ha, ha." I said

After working for a few hours I walked into the break room stumbling as I grabbed the round table in the room. I shook my head dizzy taking a long breath. Feeling something wet go down my leg I looked down seeing a noticeable blood stain on my jeans. I gasped clutching the table knowing I had to find Grissom.

Brass walked with him down the hallway of the police station leading to the lab. They were talking about the case Grissom was working on. Greg ran down the hall seeing them.

"Greg, what did I tell you about running?!" Grissom yelled

"Gris….someone….is….hurt!" Greg said, as he leaned over trying to catch his breath.

"What?"

"There is….blood…..coming out….of the break room!"

Brass looked at Grissom who started walking with Greg down the hallway. They all walked seeing the blood on the floor. Grissom stopped looking at it leading away from the room down the hallway.

"Okay, Greg I want you to have someone clean this up and I'll find this person."

"Okay!"

Grissom and Brass walked down the hallway seeing the blood stopped outside the women's bathroom. Grissom looked at Brass then he slowly opened the door.

"Hello, anyone in here?"

He listened hearing quiet sobs. He opened the door more coming in seeing the blood trail leading to the end stall.

"Call an ambulance." Grissom said, before going in closing the door. "Hello?"

He slowly walked past each stall.

"I am not here to hurt you, but you are bleeding so I think we should get you to the hospital."

Grissom stopped at the last stall knocking.

"Go away!" I said

"Sara?" He said "Let me in!"

"No!" I said, looking down at my bloody pants.

"Honey, please let me help you!"

I cried more as the door came open as Brass stepped in.

"They are on their way."

"Wait outside." Grissom said

"Okay."

"Sara, please let me in."

"I lost it!" I said

"What?"

"The baby!"

He closed his eyes putting his head against the door.

"I'm useless!" I said

"No you're not."

I sobbed more as he tried to coax me out.

"Honey, you're hurt and bleeding. I want to help you."

"Why am I alive?!"

"Sara, don't talk like that!"

I wiped my face looking at his shoes. He silently waited hearing the stall door open. He opened it seeing me looking at my pants. I was very pale making him worried.

"Sara."

"I feel sick…and dizzy." I said

"The ambulance should be here any minute." He said "Why don't you come out?"

I nodded touching the stall wall as I slowly made my way out. He took my arm helping me. I started to fall and he caught me laying me on the floor. His hand went to my neck as Brass opened the door.

"Gil, they're here."

"Send them in!" He said, looking at me.

The EMT's came in with the stretcher.

"She miscarried." Grissom said

After loading me they walked out quickly with Grissom getting his cell phone out as he walked behind them. He sat inside the ambulance taking my limp hand in his. I woke when the oxygen mask was put over my mouth and nose. Grissom watched me take it off shaking as I looked around hearing the siren.

"It's okay." He said

"Don't touch me!" I yelled

"Sara….ssh, its okay." Grissom said

I breathed fast looking at him. The oxygen mask was put back on as I calmed down staring at Grissom. He tried to not look scared. When we got there they pushed me into a room without Grissom. I freaked out on the staff as they tried to help me. The doctor sent the nurse out to fetch Grissom. He came in seeing the staff standing away from me on the bed as I glared at them. He came over to my left side watching me snuggle into his chest putting my arms around him.

"Sara, they will not hurt you." He said, gently.

"I want to go home."

"Let them check you out and then we will go home."

The doctor sighed nodding to Grissom when I began to relax moving to sit back on the bed.

"Can he stay?" I asked

"Of course." The doctor said

Grissom took my hand as the staff moved in checking me. I slept after they gave me something and Grissom sat in a chair by my bed holding my hand as he sat back looking out the window. Catherine walked in quietly seeing me lying in bed very pale as Grissom sat lost in thought.

"Gil?" She said, quietly.

He looked at her then he stood looking at me.

"How is she?" Catherine asked, looking at me with concern.

"She blames herself." He said

She put her hand on his shoulder.

"What do I do, Catherine? I don't know what to do?" He said, looking at her with large sad eyes. "I can be strong for her, but what else can I do?"

"Gil, you can be there for her and listen to her yelling and blaming you for everything. In the end she will come back to you and be Sara again. She needs your strength, and your compassion."

Grissom looked down taking a breath. Catherine rubbed his back looking at her friend. I was taken home and then I went to bed lying down. Grissom walked in looking at me shaking in bed crying. He sat on the bed moving over to hold me. I held myself in a ball as he leaned down kissing my head.

When I slept he got up to work on his computer and make calls. I came out a few hours later seeing him working at the computer still drinking coffee. The smell of food was making me sick. He looked over seeing me and got up walking over touching my waist with his hands as he looked into my eyes.

"How did you sleep?" He asked

"What's that smell?" I asked, touching my stomach.

"Lasagna." He said

"It's making me sick." I said

He moved my hair back as I swallowed trying not to throw up. I walked over to the couch sitting down watching him stand in place watching me. I closed my eyes putting my feet up on the couch as I put my arms over my stomach.

"Do you want some toast?" He asked

I shook my head.

"Tea?"

"No." I said, not opening my eyes.

"Crackers?"

I opened my eyes looking at him.

"I said no!"

He sighed walking out of the room. Instantly, I regretted my mood. He was only trying to help and I was keeping him at a distance. Instead of getting up I just sat there looking down feeling sad. Grissom leaned back on the kitchen counter not knowing what to do.

The next night he came home seeing me walking out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He said nothing as I looked at him then I walked to the living room where the TV was playing. He walked in seeing me huddled under a blanket on the couch holding my cup close to me. He walked over sitting beside me looking at some man talking to a woman in a movie. I saw the screen go blank as he turned the TV off. I looked at my cup then at him.

"Sara, I want to talk to you." He said, looking at me.

"I don't want to talk." I said, putting my cup on the table beside me.

He came closer reaching over to touch my hand on my knee. I pulled my hand away as he sighed.

"Sara, I love you and I want to help you, but you have to want me to."

"I'm fine." I said

"When did you last eat?"

I sighed moving the blanket off as I stood walking to the bedroom.

"Just help me here!" He begged, standing walking over to me. I stopped at the door looking down. "I want the old Sara back."

I turned looking at him.

"Do you even comprehend what has happened to me? I lost something that I wanted and loved. Do you even know what it feels like to lose something you love?"

"Yes, I do." He said, staring at me.

"Right, this is about you and your pain. That's a shocker."

"Sara, I feel pain as well. I wanted this child as much as you did!"

I shook my head looking at him.

"Just leave me alone!" I said, before going into the bedroom to cry. Grissom started to enter the bedroom, but he decided to leave me alone.

Later the house was dark and silent. I came out quietly of the bedroom seeing Grissom on the couch sleeping. I walked over looking at him. He was troubled and worried about me even in his sleep. I knelt down touching his arm.

"Grissom?"

When he didn't wake I tried again.

"Grissom?"

He moved seeing me instantly tensing as he thought something was wrong.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked

I sighed feeling worse when he said that.

"Nothing is wrong, I just…think you are a wonderful man to put up with me."

He turned on the light beside him making both of us winch. I was pulled up on the couch against him.

"I am sorry about earlier." He said, touching my cheek.

"Me to. I was being selfish thinking of my own pain."

"I want you to be happy."

"I will be, but I might slip now and again." I said

"I know, and when you do I will be here so you can beat me up once in a while." He said, smiling.

I smiled leaning over kissing him. He kissed me slowly feeling me move lying down next to him. He moved back looking at me.

"The doctors said that we can't…..you know for a few weeks." He said, as his hand moved along my side to my hip.

"They didn't say anything against kissing, did they?" I asked

"No, but kissing does lead to that other thing."

"What if we control ourselves?"

"You know that never happens." He said, touching my hair.

I kissed him gently careful not to spark anything between us. He moved back searching my eyes.

"What if we just sleep holding each other?" He said

"Okay."

He put his arm around me after turning off the light. I moved to my side touching his arm closing my eyes feeling him relax comforted by my closeness.


End file.
